Today, for the last hour, I have been hiding in my room instead of teaching school. I do need to go back down and do some math and writing with my littles, they totally deserve my attention, but I needed a break.
My twelve year old just refuses to cooperate at all and hasn't cooperated all year. I have about had all I can take and I sent him to his room. We have some ideas and I won't give up on him, but I am tired of the constant and stubborn refusal to do as he is told and the attitudes.
My 14 year old has made a big turn around this year. He is doing a great job of getting down to work in the mornings and cranking it out. Thank goodness. We have wee spots of trouble, bits of attitude, work I assumed was done but is not. Nothing too big and glaring though.
The 12 year old's attitude is unfortunately catchy. My 5 year old, an extremely eager learner, balks every time I ask anything of him. I get 'no's' and 'why do I have to do that's' and moaning and groaning and throwing one's self on the ground in tantrum if I ask the simplest thing of him. But then he turns around and begs me to do school with him.
Girly is eager to 'do school' as well, and she is pretty easy to get along with. Some whining and such, but mostly easy.
I am still finding it difficult to balance the attention my 12 year old seems to need and everyone else's needs. Especially when it comes to taking time for lessons with my littles. We are still a work in progress. sigh.
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Saturday Sum Up
We are settling into a nice routine around here. After a few hellish days with my 12 year old, things seem to be turning around. The big boys are getting their core, independent schoolwork done quickly and quite well, and for that I am extremely grateful. I am even finding time to fit in daily reading, printing and math lessons for my littler kids.
Things came to a standoff with the 12 year old about a week and a half ago. I was tired of watching him waste 5 hours NOT doing his school work, and giving me attitude and then wasting more time not doing his chores. I laid it out for him. He either does what he is told or I was going to stand behind him, with my hands on his shoulders to make sure he stayed in his seat and on task. I figured if he was working, I could gently rub his back and if not, I could give his shoulder a little squeeze to remind him to stay on task. He needs a LOT of attention and positive reinforcement. He acts out continually if he does not get those things. He especially needs physical touch, hugs and cuddles and back rubs.
I have been praying and worrying and praying some more about his behaviour and how to help him to find motivation internally as well as give him what he needs. As well as praying for patience so that I didn't end up yelling at him and hurting his heart.
Well the day started off badly and only got worse until lunch. Finally, something broke and he decided to get his work done. I was praising God! The next day was a honeymoon and things were pretty okay. Day three was hell. I just kept praying that God would give me guidance so that I would be helpful to my son and never hurtful.
Finally my son just outright said to me that I could not make him do anything. And I told him that he was right. I can't physically make him do anything. But I can make his life a living hell. (Maybe I lost my temper a bit with that statement, the outright defiance will do that to a person.) I told him that as of that moment, he no longer had any privileges, toys, electronics, activities. He could not go to youth, go to a friends, play with toys, play video games, go out of our yard without express permission. He was done. He would have to earn every privilege, every outing.
Then I went to my room for a quick cry and headed back down to continue to supervise and guide. I knew that I had to follow through and stay vigilant with him. I couldn't even leave him unsupervised. I convinced his Dad to go with me on this and back me up.
The next day was pretty hard. But we kept following through. On the third day, he sat down to do his bookwork before I had even brought the little kids down for breakfast. He smiled. He laughed. He was polite to me, kinder. And we praised this behaviour (once I got over the shock). He started earning back privileges. He missed the corn maze trip with the youth group last week, but this week he was able to attend the service. His better attitude and behaviour has continued and I have continued to be vigilant and to reinforce the good behaviour. I just pray that we can create new habits together that will last.
It was like having a brand new family culture this week. What a blessing. Thank you God.
Things came to a standoff with the 12 year old about a week and a half ago. I was tired of watching him waste 5 hours NOT doing his school work, and giving me attitude and then wasting more time not doing his chores. I laid it out for him. He either does what he is told or I was going to stand behind him, with my hands on his shoulders to make sure he stayed in his seat and on task. I figured if he was working, I could gently rub his back and if not, I could give his shoulder a little squeeze to remind him to stay on task. He needs a LOT of attention and positive reinforcement. He acts out continually if he does not get those things. He especially needs physical touch, hugs and cuddles and back rubs.
I have been praying and worrying and praying some more about his behaviour and how to help him to find motivation internally as well as give him what he needs. As well as praying for patience so that I didn't end up yelling at him and hurting his heart.
Well the day started off badly and only got worse until lunch. Finally, something broke and he decided to get his work done. I was praising God! The next day was a honeymoon and things were pretty okay. Day three was hell. I just kept praying that God would give me guidance so that I would be helpful to my son and never hurtful.
Finally my son just outright said to me that I could not make him do anything. And I told him that he was right. I can't physically make him do anything. But I can make his life a living hell. (Maybe I lost my temper a bit with that statement, the outright defiance will do that to a person.) I told him that as of that moment, he no longer had any privileges, toys, electronics, activities. He could not go to youth, go to a friends, play with toys, play video games, go out of our yard without express permission. He was done. He would have to earn every privilege, every outing.
Then I went to my room for a quick cry and headed back down to continue to supervise and guide. I knew that I had to follow through and stay vigilant with him. I couldn't even leave him unsupervised. I convinced his Dad to go with me on this and back me up.
The next day was pretty hard. But we kept following through. On the third day, he sat down to do his bookwork before I had even brought the little kids down for breakfast. He smiled. He laughed. He was polite to me, kinder. And we praised this behaviour (once I got over the shock). He started earning back privileges. He missed the corn maze trip with the youth group last week, but this week he was able to attend the service. His better attitude and behaviour has continued and I have continued to be vigilant and to reinforce the good behaviour. I just pray that we can create new habits together that will last.
It was like having a brand new family culture this week. What a blessing. Thank you God.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
My brain's around here somewhere...
Alrighty then....
It has been a while since I posted over here. That is mostly because I have been busy teaching school, actually teaching for a change. And this baby making is taking all of my excess energy and apparently continuing the tradition of zapping my brain cells left, right and centre.
I have been continuing my use of a weekly schedule for the boys, broken down by subject and day. It has been quite helpful to all of us to know what we should be doing as well as keeping track of our progress. Even better, when daddy was off of work last week he was able to do much of the learning facilitation in our house. Yay for me!
Today is not a great day, I gave up around 1pm. I told them to eat lunch and then ignored the fact that instead of returning to their schoolwork that should have been done before noon, they went outside to play. (wow, that was a long sentence!)
I could hear all four of them out in the yard, playing, laughing, having fun and I made an executive decision. To let sunshine and laughter feed their souls for a few hours, rather than to continue being a nagging mother who was stealing their joy and sparkle.
Plus, Daddy said that he would make sure they got their school work done tonight if they continued giving me a hard time. A beautiful out for me!
I have taken the list thing a bit farther than just our weekly checklist. I am finding the constant nagging I seem to do, utterly exhausting and ineffective. Last week, I must have repeated the same instructions to my eldest about his math about 8000 times and he was still ignoring me. I started furiously typing on my laptop. I wrote out step by step instructions on how I wanted him to complete his math lessons. Same thing with cleaning the kitchen. They come out yelling, "I'm Done!"
So I question them. "Have you put the food away?"
"Um, let me go check..."
45 seconds pass
"I'm done!"
"Is the table cleared and wiped?"
"Um... let me go check..."
90 seconds later
"MOM! I'm done, can I play Guitar Hero?"
"Did you wipe the table?"
"Oops, I will be right back."
And on and on it goes for 45 minutes at least. Sometimes it will be 20 minutes between the 'I'm dones' and then they won't have actually done anything in the meantime. I am so sick and tired of it.
So I wrote the 'I'm Done' kitchen checklist. It is extremely detailed, step by excruciatingly small baby step. I guess we will see how that works. I am hoping that at the very least it will cut down on the screams of, 'I'm Done!'
I am now working on detailed instructions for all the other jobs around here as well as all of the school tasks I require of them. I am hoping they will help, but I am sure that I am delusional.
It has been a while since I posted over here. That is mostly because I have been busy teaching school, actually teaching for a change. And this baby making is taking all of my excess energy and apparently continuing the tradition of zapping my brain cells left, right and centre.
I have been continuing my use of a weekly schedule for the boys, broken down by subject and day. It has been quite helpful to all of us to know what we should be doing as well as keeping track of our progress. Even better, when daddy was off of work last week he was able to do much of the learning facilitation in our house. Yay for me!
Today is not a great day, I gave up around 1pm. I told them to eat lunch and then ignored the fact that instead of returning to their schoolwork that should have been done before noon, they went outside to play. (wow, that was a long sentence!)
I could hear all four of them out in the yard, playing, laughing, having fun and I made an executive decision. To let sunshine and laughter feed their souls for a few hours, rather than to continue being a nagging mother who was stealing their joy and sparkle.
Plus, Daddy said that he would make sure they got their school work done tonight if they continued giving me a hard time. A beautiful out for me!
I have taken the list thing a bit farther than just our weekly checklist. I am finding the constant nagging I seem to do, utterly exhausting and ineffective. Last week, I must have repeated the same instructions to my eldest about his math about 8000 times and he was still ignoring me. I started furiously typing on my laptop. I wrote out step by step instructions on how I wanted him to complete his math lessons. Same thing with cleaning the kitchen. They come out yelling, "I'm Done!"
So I question them. "Have you put the food away?"
"Um, let me go check..."
45 seconds pass
"I'm done!"
"Is the table cleared and wiped?"
"Um... let me go check..."
90 seconds later
"MOM! I'm done, can I play Guitar Hero?"
"Did you wipe the table?"
"Oops, I will be right back."
And on and on it goes for 45 minutes at least. Sometimes it will be 20 minutes between the 'I'm dones' and then they won't have actually done anything in the meantime. I am so sick and tired of it.
So I wrote the 'I'm Done' kitchen checklist. It is extremely detailed, step by excruciatingly small baby step. I guess we will see how that works. I am hoping that at the very least it will cut down on the screams of, 'I'm Done!'
I am now working on detailed instructions for all the other jobs around here as well as all of the school tasks I require of them. I am hoping they will help, but I am sure that I am delusional.
Friday, March 14, 2008
I have been feeling uninspired and overwhelmed both as a teacher and as a mother. Today I decided to do something about it.
I actually sat with the children while they ate breakfast today and then I stayed at the table with them for the whole morning. We did our bible reading together and prayed, really prayed. I wrote down our prayer list on the calendar so we would have a visual reminder. I had each child at least make a prayer of thanksgiving if nothing else. I had fallen out of these habits and allowed myself to be lazy and selfish, spending more and more time doing my own things during the school day and less time with the boys.
The boys then did their math and spelling and are now completing their English smart and limericks, R will do his science and social worksheets too. I just caught R with his hand in the back of the workbook holding the answer page, so I cut out the answer keys. ugh.
I have discovered that R really responds well to worksheets. I have tried so hard to stay away from worksheets, but he really loves the feeling of accomplishment he gets by finishing them. I may have to look at ACE for next year for him and maybe supplimenting unit studies with tons of books like my bff does. B is the one I am really concerned about, we need to make decisions about high school for him and I feel a bit overwhelmed by the options and the future. Praying for God's guidance.
I think I will run downstairs and get Juju' kindy stuff and organize it so that he and I can work together while I supervise the others. The 2 little guys are very distracting to the older ones with all the running around and yelling! I am also gonna make some more play dough, it is a great distraction for half an hour. A also loves to paint so I need to make a real effort to do those things with them on school mornings. Oh! And reading aloud for when the bigger boys don't need my help.
I would like to read all of the children The Jungle Book and Alice in Wonderland in the next couple of months. I have actually never read them myself and I think we can all enjoy them. We will also be concentrating on poetry during our tea-times. Fun!
Because the boys neglected their school and household chores this week, we need to do school tomorrow. I don't imagine that will go over well.
Lots of extra-curriculars happening around here. We went to the zoo on the weekend with my sister and niece, it was interesting to see the animals starting to shed their winter coats and others still pure white like the arctic timber wolves. So beautiful. We discovered that camels grow a very shaggy, thick coat in winter and it is falling off in clumps now. Spring and fall are my favourite times to visit the zoo. The animals are much more active than in the heat of summer. Of course you run the risk of being a voyeur to animal mating in spring. I can't tell you how many times we had to explain to our very small children that no the daddy lion was not hurting the lady lions... I do think that animal reproduction and mortality are wonderful ways of broaching those subjects with children. It is so matter-of-fact and easy to see from a scientific viewpoint.
On Wed. the boys both had bible study and we had a homeschool get-together with 4 other families. The mommy's try to learn a bit and share, while the kids play together. There could be up to 23 kids (so far I think the most we have had was 15) ranging in age from my youngest at 2 to my oldest at 13 and 3-5 girls and the rest are boys. For all that energy, we barely hear from them and there are surprisingly few altercations.
Both boys are going to be testing for their green belts at approximately their 1 year anniversary of taekwondo. I am so proud of them, they have worked very hard at it. They also are both in hockey playoffs and tournaments from now into April. So lots going on here.
I actually sat with the children while they ate breakfast today and then I stayed at the table with them for the whole morning. We did our bible reading together and prayed, really prayed. I wrote down our prayer list on the calendar so we would have a visual reminder. I had each child at least make a prayer of thanksgiving if nothing else. I had fallen out of these habits and allowed myself to be lazy and selfish, spending more and more time doing my own things during the school day and less time with the boys.
The boys then did their math and spelling and are now completing their English smart and limericks, R will do his science and social worksheets too. I just caught R with his hand in the back of the workbook holding the answer page, so I cut out the answer keys. ugh.
I have discovered that R really responds well to worksheets. I have tried so hard to stay away from worksheets, but he really loves the feeling of accomplishment he gets by finishing them. I may have to look at ACE for next year for him and maybe supplimenting unit studies with tons of books like my bff does. B is the one I am really concerned about, we need to make decisions about high school for him and I feel a bit overwhelmed by the options and the future. Praying for God's guidance.
I think I will run downstairs and get Juju' kindy stuff and organize it so that he and I can work together while I supervise the others. The 2 little guys are very distracting to the older ones with all the running around and yelling! I am also gonna make some more play dough, it is a great distraction for half an hour. A also loves to paint so I need to make a real effort to do those things with them on school mornings. Oh! And reading aloud for when the bigger boys don't need my help.
I would like to read all of the children The Jungle Book and Alice in Wonderland in the next couple of months. I have actually never read them myself and I think we can all enjoy them. We will also be concentrating on poetry during our tea-times. Fun!
Because the boys neglected their school and household chores this week, we need to do school tomorrow. I don't imagine that will go over well.
Lots of extra-curriculars happening around here. We went to the zoo on the weekend with my sister and niece, it was interesting to see the animals starting to shed their winter coats and others still pure white like the arctic timber wolves. So beautiful. We discovered that camels grow a very shaggy, thick coat in winter and it is falling off in clumps now. Spring and fall are my favourite times to visit the zoo. The animals are much more active than in the heat of summer. Of course you run the risk of being a voyeur to animal mating in spring. I can't tell you how many times we had to explain to our very small children that no the daddy lion was not hurting the lady lions... I do think that animal reproduction and mortality are wonderful ways of broaching those subjects with children. It is so matter-of-fact and easy to see from a scientific viewpoint.
On Wed. the boys both had bible study and we had a homeschool get-together with 4 other families. The mommy's try to learn a bit and share, while the kids play together. There could be up to 23 kids (so far I think the most we have had was 15) ranging in age from my youngest at 2 to my oldest at 13 and 3-5 girls and the rest are boys. For all that energy, we barely hear from them and there are surprisingly few altercations.
Both boys are going to be testing for their green belts at approximately their 1 year anniversary of taekwondo. I am so proud of them, they have worked very hard at it. They also are both in hockey playoffs and tournaments from now into April. So lots going on here.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Not much has changed.
Wow, I can't believe that I have neglected writing here for so long. There is not a lot to tell. I am still feeling frustrated often with my children's lack of motivation and drive. I don't get it. But I do know that I need to make more of an effort to be completely present to them as opposed to being distracted with other things. Like blogging:)
A girlfriend gave me an idea last week that she has started with her kids. If they do not finish their book work by noon they have to pay a fine. I told my kids that the fine is $2. For each hour after that the fine is an additional dollar. Last week, in 2 days I collected $15 dollars. Not good. They seriously need to learn to just get down to business. We will see how this week goes. Either they will figure out how to use their time wisely or I will be going for a really nice dinner with my husband.
Here is a pic of my son blogging. It was my tricky way of getting them writing this year, they both really like it. Unfortunately I had to take away their computers after New Year's because they were cruising the internet when they were supposed to be blogging. ugh. Maybe we will be able to try it again by the end of this week.
A girlfriend gave me an idea last week that she has started with her kids. If they do not finish their book work by noon they have to pay a fine. I told my kids that the fine is $2. For each hour after that the fine is an additional dollar. Last week, in 2 days I collected $15 dollars. Not good. They seriously need to learn to just get down to business. We will see how this week goes. Either they will figure out how to use their time wisely or I will be going for a really nice dinner with my husband.
Here is a pic of my son blogging. It was my tricky way of getting them writing this year, they both really like it. Unfortunately I had to take away their computers after New Year's because they were cruising the internet when they were supposed to be blogging. ugh. Maybe we will be able to try it again by the end of this week.
Friday, January 04, 2008
To begin again
I am totally stressing about starting school again next week. I thought I would have all this planning and organizing time in December and I really had none. The weekend rush of sports and church is about to begin and I am completely unprepared for next week. All of our schedules are completely messed up and I know it is going to be a hard couple of weeks organizing and getting us all back on track.
Anyone have any tips?
Anyone have any tips?
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Help me please.
I can not begin to explain my frustration to you. The boys were ready to start school at 9 and they sat at the table with their math. It is 11:15 and they are still sitting there and are not finished. They have tortured their younger siblings, used the bathroom repeatedly, fought with each other, stared into space, thrown things at each other, made annoying noises, sang, rolled their eyes, stomped their feet, knocked their chairs over, thrown more things, but they have not done their math.
B at least pretends to do his math. R outright mocks me. I stayed calm for over an hour. I asked R to read his questions aloud to me so I could make sure he was doing them. He sputtered and argued and outright mocked me. He does not do it. I repeat myself every few minutes, "Read me each question and your answer." He gives me dirty looks, stares me down, laughs, mocks. He does not do his math.
He had a page of multiplication drills, no big deal. Very easy. He refuses to do them. He is now rapping. and interspersed with the rapping is humming the macarena. I just screamed at him to just do his work. and I told him no taekwondo today. and I called their father and asked him to come home today and discipline his sons. (his? oops I mean ours. grr.) Their father is sleeping for nightshift, I am sure he did not appreciate my call at 11:15 am. But I am at the end of my rope.
Can anyone give me any ideas? This behavior is not okay, and I am a pretty good disciplinarian usually. I don't make idle threats, I follow through with discipline when it is needed. I do not allow this sort of behavior.
What is happening here? I am seriously gonna lose my mind. I don't know if I can deal with him anymore today without screeching. I hate that.
I just keep repeating myself. Read each question aloud to me. NOW.
Help!
B at least pretends to do his math. R outright mocks me. I stayed calm for over an hour. I asked R to read his questions aloud to me so I could make sure he was doing them. He sputtered and argued and outright mocked me. He does not do it. I repeat myself every few minutes, "Read me each question and your answer." He gives me dirty looks, stares me down, laughs, mocks. He does not do his math.
He had a page of multiplication drills, no big deal. Very easy. He refuses to do them. He is now rapping. and interspersed with the rapping is humming the macarena. I just screamed at him to just do his work. and I told him no taekwondo today. and I called their father and asked him to come home today and discipline his sons. (his? oops I mean ours. grr.) Their father is sleeping for nightshift, I am sure he did not appreciate my call at 11:15 am. But I am at the end of my rope.
Can anyone give me any ideas? This behavior is not okay, and I am a pretty good disciplinarian usually. I don't make idle threats, I follow through with discipline when it is needed. I do not allow this sort of behavior.
What is happening here? I am seriously gonna lose my mind. I don't know if I can deal with him anymore today without screeching. I hate that.
I just keep repeating myself. Read each question aloud to me. NOW.
Help!
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